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JJJ Snips of Jazz Humour

Look out for this guy and his universally appealing Jazz Tinged Humour

An Evening with Earl Okin - Musical Genius & Sex Cymbal!

 - The Cat with Spats
The Arch Dean of British Jazz Humour
Delightful 'One Man Show' of Jazz Expertise , Wit, and Humour,
He's a joy! He is a classic! He is a must!
Earl Okin is funnier than ever, just as amazing on both guitar and piano, and his oral 'trumpet' style is still mind blowing.
Audience Age matters not as he appeals to all from 17 to senility.
For much of the time you think he's only ad-libbing, but slowly realise that you are in the presence of a master of the art of cabaret.
The man is unmissable as singer, songwriter, Jazz musician, comedian.

- well - it was all right when I sold it to him..........Maynard Ferguson


Al Tissimo (scream trumpet)
Pops de Vane (old time
1st trumpet)

Plenty Haitönen (1st trumpet Finland)
Willy Makit &r Kenny Makit (1st/2nd trumpet)
Buster Bloodvessel (3rd trumpet)
Felix Cited
Howie Spitz
Ames Toulouse
Chops O'Gonagen (or Lips O' Gonagen)
Ed Down
Rusty Piston

Buster Hinote
Diz Astor
Noah Count

Hi Register
Slip Shod
Willie Show
Bjent Slide
Adolf Tune
Mosley Late
Scott Noslide (on valve trombone)
Terry Billnoise
Moe Zaic
Justin Tune
Lew Slips (bass trombone)
Keith Myath (toothless bass trombone)

Kenny Read - lead alto
Izzy Sharp - lead alto
Mosley Flat - 2nd alto
Les Tone - 2nd alto
Manny Notes - 1st tenor
Mai-Lik - Chinese 1st tenor
Reed Mylips - 1st tenor
Otto Tune - 2nd tenor
Ron Key - 2nd tenor

Lee King - 2nd tenor
Olaf Awhiski - Swedish tenor
Mustafa Fix - Arabic tenor
Selmer Horn - broke tenor player
Seymour Butts - baritone
Rusty Keys - baritone
Arthur Chorus - baritone
Ima Growler - baritone

description of a sax player....an ill wind that nobody blows any good

Bret Support - Will Trill - Mosley Sharpe - Lotta Air - Vera Piercing (piccolo) -


R. Peggio - Manny Wong Kordz - Phil Allgaps - Hugo Tommy Head (piano bar) - Sven Lightsarlo (Swedish piano bar) - Thelonious Gallintown (gay pianist)

Page Turner

Ron Lines - Pete Ziccato (Italian) - Toulouse De Beat (French) - Buster Gutt - Warren Fretts - Uguludunga (African)

Ron Kords - Rex Yurears (rock guitarist) - Ian Gee & Rudy Mentry (folk guitarists) - Kent Reed - Segovia Carpet (classical guitarist) - Django Bells - Rock Enrol -
Sten Gunn (Swedish rock guitarist)

Phil Dinn - Don Swing - No-Tai-Ming (Vietnamese) - Owen Transport (Welsh) - Will Travel - Arturo Verciz (South American) - Knut Loose (Danish) - Ching Boom (Chinese) - I.Q. Lowe

Mallets O'Fortaught

Vocals - Girl Singer, from Sweden, E. Norma Stitz
Definition of singers - microphone botherers

Manager, Robin Bastard
Security Man from China, Oi Yu.

Musicians Heaven
A jazz trombonist is knocked down by a car and finds himself at the pearly gates, where St. Peter is standing with a clipboard in his hand. The trombonist says, “Where am I?” St Peter tells him that he’s in heaven and asks him what he did when he was alive on earth. The trombone player explains that he was a jazz musician but still can’t believe that he is in heaven. St. Peter assures him that he is indeed, in heaven and points out some of the musicians that are there.  “Look, there’s  Count Basie, Louis, Dizzy, Lester, Bird, Miles, The Duke……they’re all here. They have jam session every night and you can play with them all. You can have whatever rhythm section you like and play whatever style you want. The pianos are all in tune, the audience are turned on to all styles of jazz and they listen without talking in loud voices and are knowledgeable and appreciate the music.”
“Bloody hell, this is heaven”, said the trombone player. “Tell me, is God a jazz fan?”
“Oh yes”, said St. Peter. “But there is only one problem. He has a girl friend who’s a Singer……….”

A jazz musician goes to heaven and while being interviewed by St. Peter, hears a slick drummer practicing. “Is that God playing?” he asks.  “No”, said St. Peter. “It’s Buddy Rich…… he just thinks that he’s God”.

"Ahhh - those Jazz guys are just makin' that stuff up!" - Homer Simpson

'Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny.' - Frank Zappa

'There is no such thing as a wrong note.' - Art Tatum

'Don't fear mistakes, there are none' - Miles Davis.

'Master your instrument, master the music, and then forget all that **** and just play.' - Charlie Parker

Question & Answer

Q. How do you fix a broken tuba?
A. With a tuba glue.

Q. How do you know when a drummer is knocking on your door?
A. The knock speeds up.

Q. If you throw a drummer and a girl singer off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first.
A. The drummer. The girl singer would have to stop halfway to ask for directions.
Or...... Who cares.

Q. How many clarinettists does it take to change a light bulb.
A. One....but he'll go through the whole box to find the right one.

Q. What do you say to a banjo player in a three piece suit?
A. Will the defendant please rise.

Q. What's the first thing a jazz musician says when he arrives at work?
A. "Would you like fries with that?"

Q. What do you call a musician without a girlfriend.
A Homeless.

Musician: "Did you hear my last concert?"
Friend: "I hope so".

"Mum, I want to grow up and be a jazz musician."
"Now son, you have to pick one or the other, you can't do both."

Q. What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A. A tattoo.

Q. How do you know when a singer is at your front door?
A. cos they can't find the key and don't know when to come in !!

Q. What's the difference between a trampoline and a banjo and a trampoline?
A. You take your shoes off to jump on trampoline!

Q What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who can play the accordion but doesn't!

Feel free to contribute yours


Gerard Hoffnung was born in Berlin in 1925 and went to London in 1939 as a schoolboy refugee. Although he died at the early age of 34 years, he achieved in his short life enough to fill a whole series of lifetimes. Artist, teacher, cartoonist, caricaturist, musician and tuba player, broadcaster and raconteur, a much sought after speaker at the Oxford and Cambridge Unions and prison visitor, a Quaker - these were all facets of a creative personality. He was almost as gifted a musician as he was an artist, his true passion being for the brass instruments of the orchestra; this led him one day to purchase a bass tuba which, with serious dedication, he set about learning to play. He was 25 at the time and, after two or three years and many hours of practice, he found himself ensconced amidst the brass section of the Morley College Orchestra as their bass tuba player. From this vantage point at the rear of the orchestra his perceptive eye was free to focus, with affection and critical amusement, on the foibles and idiosyncrasies of his fellow performers. This new experience further stimulated his imagination and love of music and musicians and inspired the many hundreds of musical cartoons produced during the final years of his short life.

Gerard Hoffnung

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Last modified: 18/02/2012